Perhaps

The dating world is, and always has been, a huge complicated mess to me. I seem to be attracted to emotionally unavailable men and in turn attract oddballs, psychos, the socially maladjusted. I've never had an actual long term romantic relationship, yet this hasn't stopped me from managing to have my heart broken several times over. I've built up a number of walls around me over the years and am very reluctant to let anyone in. My experience is that once I've given a guy a glimpse of the inner me, they say, "Nice, but I'm not interested, thanks!". Once again in the friend zone!

Lately, I've been contemplating withdrawing myself from the dating scene altogether , once again. I'm  really tired. Tired of the emotional roller coaster. Tired of not knowing from one moment to the next where I stand. Tired of hurting. Tired of dreaming and wishing for the impossible.

Yet, I still hang in there. Why? Perhaps because I'll never reach my dearest dreams any other way? Perhaps because I'm strong and can make it through? Perhaps because I'm an idiot?