I do my crying in the rain

Wow. What a week!

Two nights ago, I had a baby suddenly turn very ill on me. We transported him to Primary Childrens' for emergency surgery. The surgery was unsuccessful and he died yesterday afternoon, leaving behind his brothers (he was a triplet) and stunned and grieving parents and nurses.

Last night, I returned to work and took care of one of the remaining brothers. I think the past two nights have been among the hardest of my medical career. I can count about 2 others this bad in all the years.

Working with adults, when they died, it was generally either after a long and fruitful life, or almost a relief as an end to some sort of suffering. To lose a tiny baby who was doing so well, beating out all the odds, so very suddenly (he went from doing great to dying in a matter of hours), is heartbreaking. He was just starting out life and had so much ahead of him! I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for him and is holding him in His loving arms right now, but it doesn't take away the pain.

I work with amazing people. When all the chaos was breaking out the other night, two nurses simply stepped in and took my other patient off my hands. Another sat and scribed all the happenings to make it possible for me to chart it all later. The neonatologist, two neonatal nurse practitioners, three respiratory therapists, the charge nurse and charge support nurse, along with the xray techs were all at my baby's bedside doing everything they could to try to save this beautiful little boy.

When I returned to work last night, the majority of the same people were back as well. Before we could start back to the 'grind' of work, several of us ended up having a crying fest together. It really helped to have people there who understood and had been through it with me.

Only one more night this week. The parents of these beautiful boys had asked me to be one of their primary nurses before all this happened. This means I will be back taking care of one or both of the boys tonight. My thoughts and prayers are with Brayden, Conner, and their Mommy and Daddy today!